Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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