i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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