Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
