Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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