Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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