my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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