How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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