i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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