Someone shit on the floor
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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