so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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