if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
