I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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