The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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