TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
