I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
