you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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