I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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