So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
