I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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