When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
