Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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