She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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