Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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