Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
