omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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