Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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