I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
