ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
