I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
