just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
