There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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