yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
