if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And then my night got REAL pukey
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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