The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
