Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
