the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this must be what syphilis tastes like
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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