I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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