I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
