You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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