If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
