I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
