Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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