She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
