wat bout pragnant strippers??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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