from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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