Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
