You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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