I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm really busy with my period
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