My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
