We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
