dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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