What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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