Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
