How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Even my vagina gasped.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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