i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
