in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
