It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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