Don't make out with my wife yet
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
