We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
