Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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