fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
