An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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