Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if sheβs alive, you can thank me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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