Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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