there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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