a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
