I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
