Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
