She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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