After last night, I could never be a politician.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
