what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
