FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
