So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so much tequila, so little girl.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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