id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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