why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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