He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
