Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
