she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
