i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
