apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
