i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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