Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
