I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
