she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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