someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
