i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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