wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
