$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
