just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
